Jon is arguably the most handsome man in The Watson Brothers. The only person to ever argue, however, is Shakib bhai. Jon is not only good-looking—he is talented as well. He also sings in the vastly more popular band Black, which is an alternative band. Jon himself is alternative—he looks alternative, talks alternative, and, it is rumored, lives the alternative lifestyle!

These rumors are the product of the overactive strivings of an adoring public with a fervid imagination (namely, Arafat). Jon is universally loved, and yet he refuses to meet the hundreds of girls who leave text messages on his cell phone. These messages usually read thus:

“Jon, U r Cute. Allah luvz U so 2 I luv.”

Sometimes they are accidentally signed “Tony,” but we haven’t figured out why just yet.

Because of his khatash-like good looks, it is surmised that Jon is well-endowed. His brother, Deer James, says that Jon’s screams in the song Obhinosshor express the primal urge to conquer that the Pithecanthropus felt when smiting the mighty mastodon with his carved flint tool. However, there is a differing school of thought which contends that Jon’s screams are the climactic shrieks of the Almighty Himself, exclaiming at the wonders of His creation through the most atavistic of all forms of communication—the orgiastic howl. The only defense that these people can offer for their argument is the fact that Jon masturbates only on the sixth of every month. His bollocks are so mighty that the effulgence needs a whole thirty days to build up, thereafter to shower upon all his fans like the fine mist from a waterfall, or maybe like spittle.